WELCOME TO THE INNERSECTION KEG PARTY. Who's coming, you ask?Honestly, we have no idea.It’s not like we sent out RSVP cards. It’s not as if surfers are reliable people. We built a stage. We bought a keg and set up the turntables. Now we’re just waiting to see who shows up the party.
Since we had to guesstimate who’d be showing up for the hors devours, how much cups and ice we’d need before the cocktails got random…we did a little mental head-count. Profiling, basically, just guessing who might show up to our little soiree.Keep in mind, we don’t actually know nothing — this is just us imaginificating all the fun we’re about to have watching surf movies.
(And, man, I can’t wait to update this blog when there’s something actually happening. One week to go. Tick-tock, tick-tock.) —NM
THE VETERAN
Lotta pro surfers forget they actually have a job to do. Not these guys.
ANALOGY: “That’s the guy who bought the keg. And the tap. It’s his beer bong, too, but he said we could keep it.”
CLASSIC EXAMPLE: Mike Losness spoke with us before his recent filming trip, and apparently he just scored.
HEAD-COUNT: 3-7 (depending who you’re calling “old guy.” Careful.)
PARTY FAVOR: Sticking to beer. No sloppy mistakes.
CHANCE OF SCORING: He’s got game, but are his dance moves outdated.
THE INVESTMENT
Sponsors snatch future stars early and create opportunities to enhance their profile: photo trips, team houses, staff filmers, boat trips, etc. Uh, hello! Surely a savvy team manager sees the opportunity here.
ANALOGY: “He’s a friends of Steve’s brother, man. You know Steve, right? Steeeve, man.”
CLASSIC EXAMPLE: Granger Larsen. B-Bong’s telling him to get his section together.
HEAD-COUNT: 3-5…but Round 2 is going to be packed.
PARTY FAVOR: The same big air reverse that got him sponsored…the party equivalent of whip cream.
CHANCE OF SCORING: Cheesy pick-up lines rarely work, but youth and innocence do.
THE X-FACTOR
Take Indonesia for example. Tons of great surfers there, but they can’t afford to compete on the world tour. But there’s huge talent, amazing waves, and available filmers. This is their chance to compete on the world stage. Now apply that formula to places like Brazil, South America, France, Japan, Tahiti, Jamaica, Israel…we’re definitely going to have a few surprises in this category.
ANALOGY: “The wacky foreign exchange student.”
CLASSIC EXAMPLE: Balinese surfer Garut Widiarta is hooked up with “Shades of Bali” filmmaker Pete Matthews — could be a deadly combo.
HEAD COUNT: 5-10
PARTY FAVOR: Dry reef barrels and huge third world punts hit you like homemade booze.
CHANCE OF SCORING: Gotta hold their liquor in the edit bay and lay some groundwork online.
THE RANDOM
Think: Sean Holmes winning J-Bay. Just ’cause everyone hasn’t heard of a guy, doesn’t mean he’s not a legend. Sure, we’re bracing ourselves for a few completely delusional entries (we won’t make you watch them) and we’re also hoping a few of those are completely legit. Underdogs, baby.
ANALOGY: “I don’t know, man, he just wandered in. I think he’s a friend of your neighbor maybe.”
CLASSIC EXAMPLE: We don’t know…but maybe you do.
PARTY FAVOR: Deep, crusty barrels. This dude shows up with his own 12-pack and a bottle of Beam in his back pocket. He’s self-contained.
HEAD COUNT: 10 entries…3 will appear in the competition.
CHANCE OF SCORING: Standing in the corner is not good for business, but hometown heroes have a certain mystic about them.
THE SUPER PRO:
Kelly. Andy. Dane. Parko. Mick. This of this the Round of 132 for them. These guys haven’t even booked their flight yet. But don’t write them off. No way.
ANALOGY: “OMG, isn’t he the singer in that band?”
CLASSIC EXAMPLE: Jordy Smith already told us he’s just waiting for Round 4. Yeah, so are we.
HEADCOUNT: 0-1…we’re not holding our breaths, but who knows.
PARTY FAVOR: Either he’s totally sober, or ate something before he got here.
CHANCE OF SCORING: 100%…if there’s anyone still left at the party.